I Always Knew

I always knew Things weren't right It twitched like a nerve In my eye I was walking In someone else's shoes This wasn't me I let my life be moulded Like an old crooked tree But I told myself That's not enough I gave more of myself So there was nothing left He turned away I couldn't let him leave I gave away my soul Lived someone else's dream The scars were made Starting in my heart Til it broke Then they moved To my head Til it was full Then they were pushed to my body And I tried to scream Was never heard But did I scream enough I wandered with no shoes The pain barely registered How could so much of my life Be my fault I was a shadow never being allowed To exist in the sunlight I walked the tightrope Slipping wobbling But I always knew I always knew I was always to blame I was never enough The head talked The heart hurt And I shrank I always knew that I was more But I couldn't move on my own Tied to the fear The head was right The heart couldn't heal So I had to get out Wearing down those pills Lifting one foot in front of another Lightened the clenching in my heart And I wandered with no shoes The pain barely registered But the view in my mind Convinced me I could leave Cos I was a shadow Never being allowed to Exist in the sunlight I walked the tightrope, Slipping wobbling But I always knew I always knew It's time to walk Time to run out of here It's time to walk Time to run out of here Cos I am a shadow Existing in my own sunlight And I walk the tight rope now But with my eyes closed and my hands tied Cos I am a shadow existing in my own dam sunlight I walk the right rope With my eyes closed and my hands tied Cos I always knew That I was a silhouette Waiting to be held up by An artists paintbrush