Winkle Pickin' Willie

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Keith Davidson, Mike Waller, Tommy Waugh, Little Billy Fane

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Willie was a willock man, his tale I now will tell
How he fell for selfish Shirley, a posh lass from Low Fell
He said my heart is captured, I’m so in love with you
She said “Boy, you get me hot, you need some money too”

It was ‘cause she was so selfish that Willie sold fresh shellfish
Shrimps and scampi, scallops too, crabsticks, well-expressed seafood
I’ve got some lovely mussels, I have cockles cooked in brine
You can hear Willie’s calls in pubs and clubs from Tees to Tyne

Now Shirley’s sights were set upon a semi south of Felling
Poor Willie worked his willocks off to purchase their dream dwelling
He tiptoed through club concert rooms, ignoring all the wags
Who shouted “Willie, walk this way, I say, have you got crabs?”

It was ‘cause she was so selfish that Willie sold fresh shellfish
Shrimps and scampi, scallops too, crabsticks, well-expressed seafood
I’ve got some lovely mussels, I have cockles cooked in brine
You can hear Willie’s calls in pubs and clubs from Tees to Tyne

Soon Willie’d saved for Shirley’s home along the Felling shore
When they were wed he’d never need to purvey prawns no more
But circumstances unforeseen and market fluctuations
Wiped out poor Willie’s business and his basket of crustaceans 

It was ‘cause she was so selfish that Willie sold fresh shellfish
Shrimps and scampi, scallops too, crabsticks, well-expressed seafood
I’ve got some lovely mussels, I have cockles cooked in brine
You can hear Willie’s calls in pubs and clubs from Tees to Tyne

Oh Shirley knew what she would do, her mind contained no doubt
He hardly had gone bankrupt when she blew poor Willie out
This left him feeling very sick, he never had felt sicker
He lost Shirley, lost his crabsticks, and his basket made of wicker

It was ‘cause she was so selfish that Willie sold fresh shellfish
Shrimps and scampi, scallops too, crabsticks, well-expressed seafood
I’ve got some lovely mussels, I have cockles cooked in brine
You can hear Willie’s calls in pubs and clubs from Tees to Tyne

Well Willie was now down and out, he was really on the floor
And Shirl, she wed a waiter famed for lobster thermidor
Along with Willie’s cash she took his confidence as well
She said “Willie, you’re a wally, and besides of fish you smell”

It was ‘cause she was so selfish that Willie sold fresh shellfish
Shrimps and scampi, scallops too, crabsticks, well-expressed seafood
I’ve got some lovely mussels, I have cockles cooked in brine
You can hear Willie’s calls in pubs and clubs from Tees to Tyne

Oh well Willie on the rebound, still in a state of shock
Was wed unto a fishwife who had once lived in Tyne Dock
Now he’s married unto Phyllis and he’s happy as can be
With Phyllis the flat fish filleter upon North Shields Fish Quay

It was ‘cause she was so selfish that Willie sold fresh shellfish
Shrimps and scampi, scallops too, crabsticks, well-expressed seafood
I’ve got some lovely mussels, I have cockles cooked in brine
You can hear Willie’s calls in pubs and clubs from Tees to Tyne

But in the pubs and in the clubs unto this very day
You can hear consternate customers who still call out and say
“Oh where is that pillock who once sold old willocks and crabsticks and kippers?
Alive, alive oh…”

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