Eating Tide Pods

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Captain Chemical

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My generation’s old and we don’t think much of the young 
Bunch of fragile snowflakes who all seem lazy or just dumb 
But one day I was surfing when I came across a find
Invented by a young kid, completely changed my mind 

This brilliant new idea came from a young person’s head
A new way to get all fucked up, and maybe even dead 

So quit tickling your clitoris 
Quit yanking on your rod 
The kids have found the latest drug – this cool thing called Tide Pods 
They’re called Tide Pods – you eat ‘em

You can still afford it even if you think you’re poor
It don’t cost much money, sold in every grocery store
If the cops arrest you ‘cause they think you’re on morphine
Say “officer I ain’t on drugs, in fact I’m getting clean”  

We used to sniff glue to get high, but my God
We never did nothing as fucked up as Tide Pods 

So quit tickling your clitoris 
Quit yanking on your rod 
The kids have found the latest drug – called eating Tide Pods
Eating Tide Pods – like candy 

So quit tickling your clitoris 
Quit yanking on your rod 
This generation’s f*ck up drug is – swallowing Tide Pods
Swallowing Tide Pods – everybody’s doing it 

These kids today are different, they try so many things 
But swallowing a Tide Pod, that’s a real awakening 
Not just the latest craze to sweep the nation  
Eating Tide Pods defines this generation 
Generation Tide Pod 	Generation Tide Pod 
Generation Tide Pod 	Generation Tide Pod 
Generation Tide Pod 	Generation Tide Pod 
Generation Tide Pod  	eat yourself some Tide Pods

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