9 Figure Pasta Water

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Pat Reed

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My experience in your backyard pool gon' reveal to me if you got some real money or not
And speaking off the record, I don't got that kinda bread myself
If I had a pool, I wouldn't be mooching off yours
But I guess it pays to have friends in high places, in hot summers
And I could use an afternoon to cool off
It's a real far cry from doing laps in the lake and having to pull fat leeches off the side of your face
When most public swimming pools these days a disgrace
I prefer to do my breaststroking in a private place
With maybe an ice cold lemonade and a little bit of shade
As I contemplate how much you getting paid
Aye, if I can dive to the bottom and my ears start to pop
Shit, you must be making silly money, forreal
And if it's nine feet or deeper, you might've skirted some residential zoning requirements
so I'm assuming you got influence
Locally, in politics
Either you got someone's ear or someone's pocket
Or you in bed with the ombudsman or something
I mean, that wouldn't surprise me around this neighborhood
What do you mean the same rules don't apply to saltwater?
You telling me I'm swimming in a saline pool?
When it's people out here barely buying contact solution?
How lavish
Aye, flick me up one time for the Gram
And tell me again
So when the ions are balanced
That's why my hair don't dry
So frizzy, brittle, and bad
When I get out every time?
This shit is Marco Polo's wettest fucking dream
Whole pool full of pasta water, go figure
I'm sorry see I'm used to above ground pools
Where me and other husky children would make waves
Used to
try to run around in circles and see if we could spin the water like a Beyblade
Hoping all the skinny kids got pulled under
And if they did it was a good ass day
We'd tell their parents we don't know how it happened
But if you had fed him more, Mom, he'd probably have been okay
Hey, all jokes aside, thanks again for hosting today
You really didn't have to go out of your way
But there's still one thing on my chest I must ask
But you gotta promise me that you won't take it the wrong way
Nah, f*ck that, let's cut the crap
9 feet deep? This close to the coast?
C'mon now, I know you paid an official off
With the way they say the climate is changing
There's no way this gets approved without securing someone's seat next fall
Nah, you're really on ya Mar-a-Lago shit
I can't blame ya
I never seen a pool this nice before
Not a single imperfection, I never seen water cleaner
I'm just saying you got the type of private pool the FBI subpoenas

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