My Floppy Soggy Wet Cardboard Problem

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Cardboardi B

4:06

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So it started one day not long ago
Getting laid proved a difficult order to follow
No one seemed to want to fucking suck this dick
Enough to make a box flip a shit
Couldn't get it in if it was key and lock
Size doesn't matter when you've got a cardboard cock
Got invited by a girl to come plunder down under
Went to stick it in, then came the blunder
Ugh

I couldn't get it hard
I couldn't get it hard
Flopping sogging wet cardboard
Why the f*ck is this shit so hard?
Ugh
Why's this shit so hard?
Why's this shit so hard?
Not my dick though for a start
Why the f*ck is this shit so hard?

Shit's more fucked than my grandma's dentures
After Viagra hand outs at the senior center
Sure I've got my red wings, I can fly
But does that make me less of a guy?
She's so fucking beautiful, sent from above
I don't dare say it but I think I'm in love
Tried to put the condom on, it fit like a glove
A glove for my penis but it wouldn't stay up
Ugh
"Is it in?" I asked, the lights were on
I couldn't feel her thrusts, man was something wrong?
Goddamn it's probably all the meds I'm on
They're the reason I'm rapping along to this song
I'm not pulling down her thong, giving her the dong
My Donkey Kong in her country all day long
Played with that shit like she's using tongs
Tossed my salad at the buffet but I'm too far gone
Can't get it up when I need it the most
Tried to f*ck and Danny done did gone ghost
This ain't a warning, this ain't a boast
This is my life, I've got to make the most of this shit

Why's this shit so hard?
Why's this shit so hard?
Flopping sogging wet cardboard
Why the f*ck is this shit so hard?
Ugh
Why's this shit so hard?
Why's this shit so hard?
Not my dick though for a start
Why the f*ck is this shit so hard?

All my fellas in the crowd, you know who you are
If you can't get it up
Then it's time to get down
Hahahahaha!
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Here we go now y'all
Ooh

Why's this shit so hard?
Why's this shit so hard?
Flopping sogging wet cardboard
Why the f*ck is this shit so hard?
Ugh
Why's this shit so hard?
Why's this shit so hard?
Not my dick though for a start
Why the f*ck is this shit so hard?

Non-monogamous, I am loving this
Together we'll weather anything, you're so precious
Like a gemstone, not Gabourey Sidibe
I'd elaborate but I don't want to be mean
You mean everything to me a breath of life
I want to take you to the bed and soak your sheets so dry
On top of a blanket you crocheted next to your cat
Girl you've got a fucking talent
That's a motherfucking fact
I want to meet your expectations of my meat
I beat myself up 'cause this brother can't skeet
In your sweet treat, what a feat I would love to do
Mountain dew you from the back like a soda jerker dude
You deserve the best sex you'll ever get in your life
How could you ever settle for my fucked up one-eyed
Snake that can't even frost your flakes
No this shit ain't good and it definitely ain't
Great!

Why's this shit so hard?
Why's this shit so hard?
Flopping sogging wet cardboard
Why the f*ck is this shit so hard?
Why's this shit so hard?
Why's this shit so hard?
Not my dick though for a start
Why the f*ck is this shit so hard?

Man, f*ck my fucking dick
Not literally I mean though, I just
I can't get it up
F*ck!
Or rather, no f*ck
Because- well, you get it
Man, I don't know
F*ck my fucking luck
First girl I go to f*ck and you know
I get fucking ED
I'm gonna be a fucking 25 year old on Viagra
What the f*ck?
Makes me want to go out to the farm and just smack a potato
Or eat a raw fucking ho-ho
Man, just
F*ck my fucking cardboard dick!

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