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Malcom Mufunde & YaadUniverse

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I gave it my best shot; but too little, too late
Weight of the world on my shoulders, possibly you could relate
So many dreams came true; so many nightmares too
I seen with my own eyes just what nights may do
Then saw the light, but the horror stayed in my mind
I got homies I balled with just the night 'fore they died
Survivor guilt; feels like the survivor killed
My mama said no use crying over milk that's spilled
She 55, I ain't lived even half of her life
But at fifteen, I already thought I wouldn't survive
Up to 25, man, I'm 26 years now
With any luck, I'll prolly live to see my big man proud
Of my accomplishments; prolly buy some wheels for the man
I ain't saying it'll happen, it's just the will of man
In case I win by a nose and life hands me the victory
It's either that or I'm taking myself out of my misery
I worked my socks off just to not off myself
So many pesticides I keep at the top of my shelf
So many nights I spent going through hell with my demons
On the edge of a precipice with nothing to cling on
It's time to clean up my act and take a positive stand
Do everything my other me told me I can't
'Cause I been losing the plot and losing sight
Losing touch, losing track, and losing my mind
My dreams died on the vine and came back as regrets
The green skipped a generation; I'm the one in the red
Hot and bothered, like my mom was in a way
Taking care of two sons who weren't grateful for a day
She waited with bated breath for the day that I'd grow
Less embarrassed that she didn't capture infinite dough
For them PlayStations, mansions, Lambos and stuff
My worst rue is that I never thanked her enough
Life taught me that we aren't alive to be happy
So we just lie we're all happy to be alive
I just wanna feel alive even when I ain't happy
But I think I'd feel happy if I wasn't alive
Life taught me that we aren't alive to be happy
So we just lie we're all happy to be alive
I just wanna feel alive even when I ain't happy
But I think I'd feel happy if I wasn't alive
I'm just flying by the seat of my pants
We never got time to figure out where we land
I used to write down my dreams and fold 'em into paper planes
Hoping that tomorrow is gon be better than yesterday
My mama used to dry my eyes
Then I'd hear her sob softly through the rest of the night
She'd to keep a cool head so we couldn't see her break
But all she ever wanted was a bit to take a break
Mad that we weren't rich enough; used to hate Mama
Dustups with Dad, I used to hate their drama
Said I'mma make kale and get a place in the sun
And move outta here and leave 'em with their other son
I'm trynna wipe the slate clean now
Mama, forgive me for every sin now
I used to earn my keep and spend it all on 'em flirts
And you never got hold of as much as a cent
That's why I'm overcompensating now
In all honesty, I think you prolly hate me now
That's why my first year of grind, I gave you every grand that I made
And said, let's build that house you always wanted to have
Although we don't have enough, we're gonna be fine
I know we're gon be happy somewhere along the line
And I'mma stay here till we build an empire
For this is my home; kumusha; ekhaya
Life taught me we aren't alive to be happy
So we just lie we're all happy to be alive
I just wanna feel alive even when I ain't happy
But I think I'd feel happy if I wasn't alive
Life taught me that we aren't alive to be happy
So we just lie we're all happy to be alive
I just wanna feel alive even when I ain't happy
But I think I'd feel happy if I wasn't alive

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