Crystal Whipped

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Marc Andre

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Well here's a crazy tale about dreams come true
I was kicking it alone at age 32
It was real slim pickings in the single scene
I was a king with the castle but I had no queen
No curtains for my room, no dressers for my clothes
Boxed dinners each night and mixed laundry loads
All settled into the bachelor's life
Till my parents got me hip to the sweet website
EHarmony.com was the place
With Neal Warren Clark and a salesman's face
I logged in and took the hour profile test
The next day I was landing matches, right and left
But sadly I kept on coming back empty
Drove down to Florida even once to Mississippi
A sad dateless loop that was getting strange
But my big frowny world was about to change

All the fellas in the house say Crystal Whipped
All the ladies in the house say Crystal Whipped
With a quick love smack to the back of the head
I got Crystal Whipped, I got Crystal Whipped

Well the years went by and I took a hiatus
Burned out on dating, my hopes had all faded
Till one morning in a coffee shop, I checked my Yahoo and my white jaw dropped
I saw this fine lady up in Ashland town
She had the greenest eyes and cutest smile around
We chatted for a week or three in cyberspace
Then I met up with her family for some sweet cheesecake
Fifteen thousand miles on my brand new matrix
On the road like a gypsy but I wouldn't dare trade it
Talking on the tele nearly all the time
I was floating with my baby on a cloud called nine

All the fellas in the house say Crystal Whipped
All the ladies in the house say Crystal Whipped
With a quick love smack to the back of the head
I got Crystal Whipped, I got Crystal Whipped
All the fellas in the house say Crystal Whipped
All the ladies in the house say Crystal Whipped
With a quick love smack to the back of the head
I got Crystal Whipped, I got Crystal Whipped

Well now my apartment, well it smells like candles
Doilies on the table, pictures on the mantel
Flowers on the wall in the purple bedroom
The sink is lined up with soap and perfume
All transformed, a lady's in the house
And if you see my face, that's what I'm smiling about
I spent my whole life looking, finally found my pearl
And I thank the Lord above for my baby girl

All the fellas in the house say Crystal Whipped
All the ladies in the house say Crystal Whipped
With a quick love smack to the back of the head
I got Crystal Whipped, I got Crystal Whipped
All the fellas in the house say Crystal Whipped
All the ladies in the house say Crystal Whipped
With a quick love smack to the back of the head
I got Crystal Whipped, I got Crystal Whipped

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