Walk Alone (May 15, 2021)

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Adam Outlnd

4:21

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 Watch: New Singing Lesson Videos Can Make Anyone A Great Singer

I don't wanna know

I don't wanna know why I feel like this
Don't wanna know why I'm so sad
I don't want to pinpoint exactly why
Cuz it doesn't change where I'm at
And I just wanna go home
But don't know what that means
So I just walk alone
Through these damp, cold city streets

Sometimes the best thing to do is to just go to sleep and to wake up in a fresh day
But it's far less clear what to do when you wake up and still feel exactly the same way
Ever just walk out the door, morning walk of shame as your mental health scoffs
Going nowhere in particular, maybe to feel momentum, as all else just seems blocked
Drizzle on my shoulders, hands in pockets for warmth, and my hood over my ears
This dull grey sky, mirrors my inner vibe, and a raven mocks my fears
How do I feel so much yet feel so numb- a paradox inside
That I can't hide, the way I'm told to
Make others uncomfortable cuz reflects them unmasked too
My shoes on pavement amplified, cuz my senses are wound so high
Glance up, apartments, people-filing-cabinets to the sky
A way we weren't meant to be
Numbered, we calling screens community, anti-social media and insecurity
Soft smile of a stranger passing by, but recognize that hurt look in his eyes
See some cute birds on the side of the road, but then feel sad as they're scared and fly
Away from me - guess they've been hurt too
Hurts to be misjudged, but what can you do
Far too familiar if a bird can hurt me, guess I'm really not ok
Don't want a roommate or a life mate, cuz I need a place where I feel safe
Try to trick my brain with a happy song, but major chords don't mask the pain
Cuz I don't belong, tension coursing veins, and everything seems wrong

I don't wanna know why I feel like this
Don't wanna know why I'm so sad
I don't want to pinpoint exactly why
Cuz it doesn't change where I'm at
And I just wanna go home
But don't know what that means
So I just walk alone
Through these damp, cold city streets

See COVID taught me when the cafes close, bound by these cell-like walls, life lacks diversity
Just want to contribute, but seems the machine's already running just fine without me
Wanna hop a train, but where to, and what then, every single escape's high is bound to end
So what to do when you no longer can pretend? Feel like a pinball batted around constantly
Why's it seem a losing game to crave the simplest things
I don't want much...
Just a place, consistent faces, to begin to trace out some semblance of home
I've prayed all there is to pray
Doesn't mean He doesn't care or's not listening, but for now's nothing left to say
I know it's not forever... but do I really?
Starting to feel like never... optimism fantasy
The weeks and months and years pass by, and it gets harder and harder to even want to try
My life stuck in limbo, while all around seems to just go on
Don't know if hope's an enemy or best friend gone too long
My heart and intentions don't leave a dent
Feel my extroversion dying in self-defense
As those who care share well-meaning sentiments
That honestly lack empathy, as they pretend to have a clue
About what it's like to be me, or what I'm going through
It's not that I'm not thankful... but sometimes too tired to be
If I liked alcohol more, would crave a drink I bet, instead the guy who walks out the door so I don't lose my head
Cold grips at my cheeks, my socks are drenched, the weather's bleak, but don't wanna turn back yet
... Don't wanna turn back yet

I don't wanna know why I feel like this
Don't wanna know why I'm so sad
I don't want to pinpoint exactly why
Cuz it doesn't change where I'm at
And I just wanna go home
But don't know what that means
So I just walk alone
Through these damp, cold city streets

 Watch: New Singing Lesson Videos Can Make Anyone A Great Singer