The Last of the Paffly-Creems

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Barry Slorridge

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The Last of the Paffly-Creems
Rugged and flexed
Narrowed to a point
A sparrow taunts the sun
This forest of my ancestors doth anoint
I am the last of the Paffly-Creems
A hailstorm
A shadow
A crab
A hare
Why must this Boreal owl but only stare?
I am the last of the Paffly-Creems
Naked and confused
I sit upon my throne
Of empty Captain Morgan bottles
So very alone
I am the last of the Paffly-Creems
My castle once stood
So erect and proud
But now hides in the shadows
But barely endowed
I am the last of the Paffly-Creems
Cockfuck moss!
Suffocating my walls
Idiot ivy!
Does lurcheth and sprawl
I am the last of the Paffly-Creems
My mind rots
From the Captain and syphilis
I fear I will never
Transcend from this haunted chrysalis
I am the last of the Paffly-Creems
Just shat myself
I am the last of the Paffly-Creems
Here they come!
Over the hill
Intent on making
My tired blue-blood spill!
I am the last of the Paffly-Creems
Their finery is most strange
The colour of luminous mandarin
Which denies the rain
To soaketh their skin
I am the last of the Paffly-Creems
What witchery is this!
These rectangle things
That can taketh illuminated manuscripts
And do rings and rings!
I am the last of the Paffly-Creems
They come to me holding
A strange map of sorts
It must be a trick
To steal my encrusted, dry fort!
I am the last of the Paffly-Creems
Excuse me
I excuse you not sir!
Now feeleth my blade
Pierce your strange orange fur
Screaming will not help
Bring him back from the dead
Now watch me dear strumpet
Chop off his traitorous head!
I am the last of the Paffly-Creems
Make peace with your god
You treacherous witch
My sword will now make
Your grave this reeking ditch!
I'm sure many more traitors
Will soon to follow
Through the night
And onto the morrow
I am not equipped for such a battle
Without more support
I fear there is but only
One last resort
They want my castle
Then god be praised!
Have it they shall
After I set it ablaze!
Gentle, merciful fire
Does enwrap my soul
I am finally free
From this festering shit-hole!
Ha! ha! ha! ha!
Ha! ha! ha!
Ha! ha! ha!
Ha! ha! ha! hot!!
He was the last of the Paffly-Creems
More inbred and insane a family
No one has ever seen
So let's raise a pint of the ol' Captain
To his haunted dreams
And may he find his way out of hell
Through his
Diabolical schemes

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