Vegetable Man

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Wim Oudijk

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I'm a vegetable man
And I squeeze them when I can
There is nothing like the feeling
Of those fibers slowly breaking in my hand
When I bruise and bruise them
I can smell the juice and into my mouth 
They will disappear Like drops of rain in the desert...
If it's true what they say
That you are what you eat
Half of me must be meat and the other half must be a garden pea
A proud asparagus
A sprout, a leak, a Tasty Tom tomato
Potato (But only when I've eaten them in France)
St Mâlo, the twenty-first of September 1974
At seven fourty five PM a dinner guest tells the waiter
"With my medium rare steak I'd like haricots verts and potatoes" 
And the waiter replies
"Non, monsieur
You can either have the haricots or the potatoes
There's only one légume in this menu"
Lettuce and spinach and watercress
Have very little nutritional value
I'm very well aware of this 
But nonetheless they are essential to my daily menu
I need to feed the cow that's me as well!
It came as a surprise to me, I theorized
I'm every bit as bad as Lecter
Hannibal If what I eat is what I am, I realized
Then anything I eat makes me a Cannibal
This is where I'm gonna have to draw the line 
These are the things that I'll never wanna be
Turnip, Carrot, Beet or Chicory
Maybe they are healthy but they're just not me

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