Glazed Doughnuts for Me, Tube Socks for Karl Winslow
ColdmaN5
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TGIF on ABC not gonna be beat Step by Step and Urkel and Boy Meets World yeah that's you A rollercoaster ride of family fun Best damn shows under the Friday sun Like medicine for primetime An elegant dish of comedy Laughs and excitement and laughs galore Leaving the audiences gasping for more Overall it was all just fun and games Until the evening of Friday December the 8th The mood in the air was that of happiness Time for the Secret Santa gift exchange The mood in the air was that of tackiness On a sitcom that's always the way Suzanne Somers alone in her dressing room Brushing her beautiful blonde hair Reginald VelJohnson just a shout away Two sitcom stars without a care I made my way past exchanging hellos with both Then I made my way down to the banquet hall Along the way I made eye contact with Jaleel White But we didn't say anything to each other Let's just say we weren't the best of friends I immediately found an open seat and plopped down Next to Topanga from Boy Meets World I'd be damned if I could remember her name And don't laugh because neither can you After exchanging greetings I was approached By an ABC exec who handed me a hat I thanked him and started to put it on when he stopped me Informing me that this was to decide what order We could pick our gifts I then closed my eyes and reached into the black top hat Producing an exciting number sixty That wasn't so bad Rumor had it that a pack of tube socks would be one of the prizes at stake I was praying to God that I got them Memories were still fresh in my mind of last year When I was hoping for a five-speed blender And walked away with a peach-colored umbrella This year no one was going to stand between me and my foot threads I watched the ABC exec who must be low on the exec totem pole As he made his way around the banquet hall's many tables Offering every TGIF celebrity the chance to draw for an order After what felt like an eternity the lights dimmed And the president of ABC came out to provide the actors with A congratulatory speech Ratings this ratings that blah blah blah I wasn't listening I had my eyes fixated on the table which held dozens and dozens of Secret Santa gifts I knew my cinnamon roll scented votive candle was one of the gifts up for grabs I was kind of hoping Andrea Barber would get the candles Because I heard she was fond of burning things After a few moments there was loud applause I looked up in time to see the ABC exec disappear from the stage Replaced by a smaller man in his mid-30s He also appeared to be an exec "It's time for the TGIF Annual Secret Santa Exchange" he yelled Into a microphone Once again there was much applauding I did not join in however We were then informed that sixty-one people were participating in the exchange Making my number of 60 appear not so grand I wondered who was the only one below me That thought was brushed aside once the actors Started going up to claim their gifts With each grab of a wrapped present I knew someone may end up with my beloved tube socks Rider Strong who played Sean on Boy Meets World went up first He ended up with a brand new sleek blender Much like the one I had wanted to win a year ago It really went well with his personality if ya know what I mean I then watched as one by one all the stars of TGIF went up John Stamos was second, Bob Saget third (I still swear this was a conspiracy as it was not common For stars of the same show to have two consecutive numbers) And so on and so forth After what felt like another eternity It was finally down to two people Me and Reginald VelJohnson aka Karl Winslow of Family Matters I heard through the grapevine that he had his heart set on The dozen glazed doughnuts that someone reportedly brought in Funny how fate works as all that remained on the prize table were two packages In one were my beloved tube socks In the other you guessed it Karl Winslow's glazed doughnuts I winced as the small man from earlier announced "No. 60 it's your turn!" I slowly got out of my seat No eyes were on me as by now everyone was bored and wanted to go home Wait scratch that two eyes were on me The eyes of Mr. Veljohnson All of a sudden the exchange of hellos earlier did not matter They were just an afterthought I knew what he was saying with that look "Don't mess with my doughnuts boy" I approached the table both packages looked so similar It was as if the person who provided the tube socks Put them in a clothing box that just happened to be Roughly the size of a box of glazed doughnuts I had a 50/50 chance of claiming my prize I also had a 50/50 chance of making Karl Winslow hate me for life I took a quick glance back Where he was still staring at me through eyes that were lowered I immediately felt my hands sweating and my heart rate quickening For a few moments I thought it would explode I took a look at both remaining prizes At multiple points I must have looked at the tube socks But I didn't want to have to make a decision I was content with standing up there forever Until the small man running the show approached me And tapped me on the shoulder "You're gonna have to make a decision quickly my lad We don't have all day" he said I closed my eyes and blindly reached out But instead I grabbed the man's jacket I opened my eyes to see him chuckle nervously Before turning me around so that I was facing the right way I also heard a few chuckles coming from the actors behind me I could still swear to this day that one of them belonged to Reginald Veljohnson himself He wouldn't be laughing for long I once again closed my eyes and blindly picked out a gift I held it up It was in a box whatever it was It clearly felt like it could be a pack of tube socks I slowly opened up the package still feeling the eyes of Karl burning into me Under the wrapper was a white box I looked up at Veljohnson one final time before announcing It is time to discover Looking back on that it didn't make a lot of sense But I was satisfied then I opened the box and my heart was crushed Inside arranged delicately into two rows of six Were twelve glazed doughnuts
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"Glazed Doughnuts for Me, Tube Socks for Karl Winslow Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 11 May 2024. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/4780055/ColdmaN5/Glazed+Doughnuts+for+Me%2C+Tube+Socks+for+Karl+Winslow>.
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