Knot In My Throat

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Melodik Tribe

6:18

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Had a dream about my teeth melting out my gums, in panic
Felt around with my thumb, f*ck my premolars are gone
Buckets of blood, I swear I think pain is my chum
"What’s happened?" My brother asking as I wake up so stunned
Biting my tongue, he was a sponge so absorbent to my notions
Watching Goosebumps to distract us from all our commotions
Just a nuisance to the world waiting for our moment
But back then we were twelve writing down on our devotions
I was so scared to tell lil bro I cried an ocean
Dreams so lucid I see shadows in my room, I'm frozen
Don't know how my thoughts foreshadowed pain, I think I'm chosen
We were catching Z's when our bedroom door flew wide open
My brother snoring and I tried to wake his ass up
Knocked out cause for dinner we had pasta
I started praying to the Lord and to my pastor, it might pass
But in my past, I’d go ghost like Danny Phantom
Like The Shining, Danny Torrance, I was just as shy
Will I be on CSI? All I did was close my eyes
But I swear I wasn't dreaming, time was 3:45
I was just a kid, my dolls were cryin' blood out their eyes
Bedtime story, The Conjuring, in this book I might die
I know I could have ran away but just as soon as I tried
F*ck, I smelled the liquor and the rotten egg
Shit, it’s floating near my bed
Maybe it can read my head
Maybe it’ll leave if I play dead
Another full moon, another nightmare
Healing crystals in my room but what do I care?
When I manifest, nothing happens, I can't thrive here
Run with a Thriller vest to a sunset from Syre
And this knot in my throat
And this knot in my throat
And this knot in my throat
Make me want to just go
Cause bitches won’t believe
Cause bitches won’t believe
Cause bitches won’t believe
The fear that’s killing me
So trauma was established
Teenager bumpin' Travis
Coming of age, was in a rage
Cause momma left me stranded
Wonderland in Alice
Got so bad, I'm embarrassed
I just cried, I slapped my face
Pinched my thighs, called it balance
I’d walk inside my house after a long fuckin' day
I'm greeted by a million roaches on my fuckin' tray
Infestation of the mind, I know it sounds kinda cliche
What an omen to wake up smelling a pretty dead bouquet
The people in my life resented their every move
So how could I speak out about panic attacks at noon?
I rather lay in bed and listen to the house of balloons
Now I’m ahead of my time healing to songs by Oshun
But this knot in my throat won’t let me figure me out
I'm too busy thinking about what you’re thinking about
To this day I hate clout, all day just running your mouth
Some days I log out cause I'm tryna keep my feet on the ground
Just a facade like improv I was falsely living my life
A christian kid with no pager or credit card to swipe
Read the bible with my bro to guarantee heaven when we died
I look back get hella sad, hell used to scare me day n' night
Used to dream about going to the full moon like Kid Cudi
There were times when it truly felt like yo' girl had nobody
I knew I had to fucking focus on a future and study
Maybe then my cloudy days would start to feel something sunny
Another full moon, another nightmare
Healing crystals in my room but what do I care?
When I manifest, nothing happens, I can't thrive here
Run with a Thriller vest to a sunset from Syre
And this knot in my throat
And this knot in my throat
And this knot in my throat
Make me want to just go
Cause bitches won’t believe
Cause bitches won’t believe
Cause bitches won’t believe
The fear that’s killing me
Back then I couldn’t focus, always clenching my jaw
Fucking lost, I had no iPhone or a Twitter.com
Every time I needed to tell someone something was wrong
I’d sing to “Last Resort” by Papa Roach, my favorite song
As I grew up intrusive thoughts became so triggering
If I got run over and died my guts become peace lilies
What a relief that I never acted on my urge to leave
I'm sorry for the scars right under my DC hoodie sleeves
You know those scary movie scenes where you're brushing your teeth?
And all along you’re being watched by something freaking obscene
Sometimes it really be your own toxic family
Mal de ojo, evil eye, jealousy's the same thing
Grew up on love that's conditional and betrayal too
Got used to it, on repeat TWENTY88 Deja Vu
I thank God me and my Leo sibling are still stuck like glue
As long as we got each other we can survive feeling blue
This cycle of abandonment and being chosen again
Forever breaking that or I’ll lose myself in the end
Find my peace of mind no matter where my path is in
For now I’ll swim in circles, let a divine feminine cleanse
And I know that with time I'll become wise and blessed
Like the elevated Mani Marie, Majesty Ria, or Ash
In fact selling my soul for gold is truly tempting in cash
But I could only reach my richest self by burning my past
Burning my past
Another full moon, another nightmare
Healing crystals in my room but what do I care?
When I manifest, nothing happens, I can't thrive here
Run with a Thriller vest to a sunset from Syre
And this knot in my throat
And this knot in my throat
And this knot in my throat
Make me want to just go
Cause bitches won’t believe
Cause bitches won’t believe
Cause bitches won’t believe
The fear that’s killing me

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