Shame
C. S. Phoenix
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Shame runs deep in me From the tip of my eyelashes To the marrow of my bones It started when I was four I didn't know then Or feel it then But that's where the shame started It wasn't until years later When I found out That what those older kids had taught me Wasn't supposed to be taught to me And it wasn't supposed to be done to me And somehow Though I didn't do the doing I was the one who felt Soiled Somehow my flesh was rotten At the touch of others Who got to stay fresh Shame settled in differently in later years It wasn't just the actions of others That brought on adulthood too fast My body also decided That as a nine-year-old I should arrive into my adult form While other little girls Were still playing with dolls I was getting fitted for bras And watching my hips widen by the day Childbearing hips Are not featured In Seventeen Magazine And I was never taught better Or different So, I tried to starve myself away. Shame is what I felt each time Something wouldn't fit right Or I only got an A, not an A+ When I didn't get first place Or made a mistake Each time I was ever less than perfect I have been trained for shame But to this day The most shameful thing I've ever done Was stay After I said If it's ever me or the kids, we have to leave When you broke my belongings And thrust your fist through our walls After I said no and stop Over and over And you didn't Stop After you put your hands on me And I thought I wouldn't survive the night I stayed I stayed Until you were done with me Until you wanted something new And that Will always be My greatest shame Knowing I deserve much better than this And accepting anything less
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"Shame Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 26 May 2024. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/6870665/C.+S.+Phoenix/Shame>.
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