Collateral Damage

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j. De Hoyos

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Thought I was in the eye of the storm
All the destruction I envision manifests and takes form
It's not helping that pessimism is all that I've informed
And I'm just trying to press on.

I seem to always bite the hand that feeds me
No secret, scared when they see me
They'll see me h-y-p-e-d
Minds be feeble, take it easy
Oftentimes when I'm needed I'm blind to all that's beneath me
Take what you need, I won't feed you but this first one is a freebie
Don't expect or settle neatly
Placebos placed as a treaty
Until they're convinced there's no treason
All the warnings unheeded
Escalating, increasing
The expectations beseeched and thrust upon my well being
I can't tell if I'm still breathing
I'm breaking under the pressure
Fervently serving to live up to the measures
Standards and all endeavors
From my colleagues and mentors
Set up to fail upon entrance
Apologies to my ancestors; the umbilical has been severed

When you seek good, collateral damage makes it worse
But the process doesn't work in reverse
When you seek blood, it burdens an insatiable thirst
Evil strikes first, it doesn't work in reverse
Every bullet bears shrapnel
Every blast has a radius
Victories are pyrrhic
Is the sacrifice saving us?
Calculated risks are all that we're worth
That's the collateral damage curse

Man made myths about all the things 
Which man did not make to control what they can't explain
They claimed stake over creations that they didn't create
Some draw blood to heal
Some draw blood to desecrate
At this rate I'm playing chase me
I'll never catch who I'm racing
But the rearview lets me know
I won't receive the last placement
And my landlord let me know
Pandemics might affect the paychecks
But what they don't seem to affect?
Is whether I should pay rent
Yes I know where this city
Stands and it's not with me
It's how I'm seen, how they see me
How the pol.i.c.e. sees me, and ICE sees me
Like I'm a demon
Treating me like I am beastly
That's how I'm seen Between
Ross Chandler Monica and phoebe
I'm just brown, bearded, and vicious
They think I look suspicious
Whether west or east, really it ain't no difference
Placate until you plead graffiti
Floating like there's no gravity
Don't speak freely when you don't know donatello from "da vinky"
Because this rage is ravaging
It blazes all these paths for me
Establishing disorder chaos, pandemonium tragedy
Morning cup of caffeine is vital before you ask of me
What prevents me from transforming this form to cletus kasady
Ah

When you seek good, collateral damage makes it worse
But the process doesn't work in reverse
When you seek blood, it burdens an insatiable thirst
Evil strikes first, it doesn't work in reverse
Every bullet bears shrapnel
Every blast has a radius
Victories are pyrrhic
Is the sacrifice saving us?
Calculated risks are all that we're worth
That's the collateral damage curse

When you seek good, collateral damage makes it worse
But the process doesn't work in reverse
When you seek blood, it burdens an insatiable thirst
Evil strikes first, it doesn't work in reverse

Thought I was in the eye of the storm
I am the storm
All the destruction I envision manifests and takes form
It's not helping that pessimism is all that I've informed
And I'm just trying to press on.

Step back from the tip of that ledge
I woke up from the American Dream on the wrong side of the bed
Splitting migraines permanently recalibrating my head
To absorb the world in such a way that I never stop feeling stress
Reassessing success, convinced that it isn't mine
Splitting migraines permanently recalibrating my mind
To interpret the cycles in such a way, that I don't progress
The patterns play in a loop for me to analyze and obsess
Just how much I've acquiesced in an attempt to assimilate
Just how quiet I've kept in light of all that which I advocate
I'm scared of the shadows that cast when I illuminate
But I understand that it's better than when darkness hallucinates
I've found the unrest in my chest never settles
Unless I take a second to second guess
If I can accept the consequence
If I can afford to recompense
Reflect on dirty deeds until there are no regrets
Johnny Blaze impotent
Penance stare has no effect
When the means are rationalized by the ends
No remorse for brute force when there are no innocents
When there's no innocence, life is beyond amends

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