Collateral Damage
j. De Hoyos
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Thought I was in the eye of the storm All the destruction I envision manifests and takes form It's not helping that pessimism is all that I've informed And I'm just trying to press on. I seem to always bite the hand that feeds me No secret, scared when they see me They'll see me h-y-p-e-d Minds be feeble, take it easy Oftentimes when I'm needed I'm blind to all that's beneath me Take what you need, I won't feed you but this first one is a freebie Don't expect or settle neatly Placebos placed as a treaty Until they're convinced there's no treason All the warnings unheeded Escalating, increasing The expectations beseeched and thrust upon my well being I can't tell if I'm still breathing I'm breaking under the pressure Fervently serving to live up to the measures Standards and all endeavors From my colleagues and mentors Set up to fail upon entrance Apologies to my ancestors; the umbilical has been severed When you seek good, collateral damage makes it worse But the process doesn't work in reverse When you seek blood, it burdens an insatiable thirst Evil strikes first, it doesn't work in reverse Every bullet bears shrapnel Every blast has a radius Victories are pyrrhic Is the sacrifice saving us? Calculated risks are all that we're worth That's the collateral damage curse Man made myths about all the things Which man did not make to control what they can't explain They claimed stake over creations that they didn't create Some draw blood to heal Some draw blood to desecrate At this rate I'm playing chase me I'll never catch who I'm racing But the rearview lets me know I won't receive the last placement And my landlord let me know Pandemics might affect the paychecks But what they don't seem to affect? Is whether I should pay rent Yes I know where this city Stands and it's not with me It's how I'm seen, how they see me How the pol.i.c.e. sees me, and ICE sees me Like I'm a demon Treating me like I am beastly That's how I'm seen Between Ross Chandler Monica and phoebe I'm just brown, bearded, and vicious They think I look suspicious Whether west or east, really it ain't no difference Placate until you plead graffiti Floating like there's no gravity Don't speak freely when you don't know donatello from "da vinky" Because this rage is ravaging It blazes all these paths for me Establishing disorder chaos, pandemonium tragedy Morning cup of caffeine is vital before you ask of me What prevents me from transforming this form to cletus kasady Ah When you seek good, collateral damage makes it worse But the process doesn't work in reverse When you seek blood, it burdens an insatiable thirst Evil strikes first, it doesn't work in reverse Every bullet bears shrapnel Every blast has a radius Victories are pyrrhic Is the sacrifice saving us? Calculated risks are all that we're worth That's the collateral damage curse When you seek good, collateral damage makes it worse But the process doesn't work in reverse When you seek blood, it burdens an insatiable thirst Evil strikes first, it doesn't work in reverse Thought I was in the eye of the storm I am the storm All the destruction I envision manifests and takes form It's not helping that pessimism is all that I've informed And I'm just trying to press on. Step back from the tip of that ledge I woke up from the American Dream on the wrong side of the bed Splitting migraines permanently recalibrating my head To absorb the world in such a way that I never stop feeling stress Reassessing success, convinced that it isn't mine Splitting migraines permanently recalibrating my mind To interpret the cycles in such a way, that I don't progress The patterns play in a loop for me to analyze and obsess Just how much I've acquiesced in an attempt to assimilate Just how quiet I've kept in light of all that which I advocate I'm scared of the shadows that cast when I illuminate But I understand that it's better than when darkness hallucinates I've found the unrest in my chest never settles Unless I take a second to second guess If I can accept the consequence If I can afford to recompense Reflect on dirty deeds until there are no regrets Johnny Blaze impotent Penance stare has no effect When the means are rationalized by the ends No remorse for brute force when there are no innocents When there's no innocence, life is beyond amends
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