HIM
Candace Nicholas-Lippman
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Why am I here Why am I back here again Nothing good ever comes of this Us Him HIM Honestly Don't even know where to begin Struggled in writing this Cause see I am a woman Who knows her worth Has self respect And values All that she is But somewhere I lost it Me I forgot my identity And now the reflection I see Is Pathetic His words On repeat In my head I can't escape Years of Mind games And manipulation He has taken Everything So why am I here Why am I back here again In your bed After the things you said I let him in The most precious And sacred Parts of me My body I opened her So lovingly Trusting That she was safe As you entered Into her space A space That not all Have access But you Took her for granted You saw her As just another See his bed Is never cold Women Often referred to As Bitches and Hoes His aroma The spirit of lust Is his special power Hoarded Over women Convinced That his actions Are genuine And pure Because He informs His conquests That he Runs a certain program That you must Fall in line with But if HIM Catches feelings He admits He'll cut you off Cause the very thought Of actually Falling in love Terrifies The broken boy inside So better To break your heart Than heal his own I felt alone Each time I was in his presence His attitude Always negative Combative And filled with aggression Can never fully take off my armor Cause he'd always be suited for war I'd hide my emotional battle scars From those I loved Why Am I HERE Standing in your kitchen As if last night didn't happen He humiliated me In public Allowed the green eyed monster Known as jealousy Launch him into a Grown boy tantrum So skillfully Turned the tables Made me the villain Used video surveillance To threaten Made me doubt my intuition Placed fear in my spirit To teach a lesson Gaslighting At its finest I couldn't sleep Didn't eat Cried Until my eyes Were swollen Advised By family and friends Who saw The warning signs Before I did But I'd still I'd Still Go back to HIM I'm screaming on the inside WHY AM I HERE There was a small part of me That took delight In being Chosen See We trauma bonded And I chose To focus On the good I did See in HIM Looked past The emotional disconnect His constant need for validation Abusive And disrespectful language The façade Male ego And puffed up testosterone Always the victim A damaged little boy In need of mamas attention Daddy's acceptance And female admiration My love was selfless We all deserve grace And forgiveness So I allowed My desire And hope For you to be better Keep me bound I see Now HIM It was always About control And I followed Like a trained mutt Waiting Yearning For your attention Love and affection Something I'd never get As he's incapable Toxic A Narcissist These Are the adjectives People use to describe HIM But you were my friend At times A lover My companion And I wish I could ask HIM Why Did you take such pleasure In trying to break All that I am The very parts That you loved And valued You were masterful At projecting Your insecurities Made me feel unworthy And at times ugly My dark complexion Now compared To every light skinned Girl I'd look in the mirror Tear apart my figure Who is this person I don't even recognize Myself The woman Who speaks life Into others Allowed such contempt From someone Who doesn't even know His own worth So how could he ever Appreciates yours This soul tie Desperately want unknotted And the releasing of shame As I'm embarrassed to admit That after all of this I still believe In the good I still love HIM How Did I get here
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"HIM Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 8 May 2024. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/8108199/Candace+Nicholas-Lippman/HIM>.
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